And the winner is…

First of all, thanks again to everyone who entered our “Finish the Footnote” contest. So many of these lines would make great cards, but in the end, there could only be one winner. And so, without further ado, the lucky winner of $100 and greeting-card immortality is (drum roll, please)…

Dan Eveland with his spot-on, pop-culture-tastic entry:

Congratulations, Dan! While it was a difficult decision, this line just had all the right stuff. It’s funny, it’s quick, it’s timely, it’s original, and it’s giveable for all sorts of “Cheer up” occasions—from being laid off, to breaking up with your girlfriend or boyfriend, to not getting a job offer, to battling Swine Flu, you name it. Whether you’re a Republican, a Democrat, an Independent, or an Indifferent, this card still works. The bottom line is that a good “Cheer up” card needs to make the recipient chuckle and forget their woes—if only for a split-second—and Dan’s line does just that.

We couldn’t close this contest without giving props to some of our favorite honorable mentions. Some of these lines were oh-so-close to winning, and some were just so awesomely random that they deserved a wider audience. I wish we could afford to give Benjamins to everyone, but instead, you’ll have to settle for a free card from our online store. If your name is on the list below, just email us at info@oldtomfoolery.com with your mailing address and free card selection. It’s the least we can do.

Honorable Mention “Cheer up” entries:

Cheer up*
* Put your big girl panties on and deal with it.
  - Fiona Jeffries

Cheer up.*
*Newborns are supposed to look like that.
  - Robert Mahar, Mahar Dry Goods

Cheer up.*
*Go to the Chinese buffet and order Pepsi.
  - Ali McCormack

Cheer Up*
*McDonald's is always hiring.
  - Jessica Morrison

Cheer up*
*Or shut up.
  - Katy Jamison

Cheer up*
*Or I’ll punch you in the nuts.
  - Nikki Lott, Badder Homes & Gardens

Cheer Up*
*There will be other, once-in-a-lifetime opportunities.
  - Jasmine So

Cheer up.*


*You could be a quadriplegic midget under house arrest for molesting adolescent helper monkeys.
  - Michael Grozik

Cheer up*
*Motherfucker.
  - Robert Kastigar

 
Honorable Mention “Cheers” entries:

Cheers.*
*To what again?
  - Rich Garbarino

Cheers.*
*Creating a Harmless Environment to Enjoy Responsible Snorkeling.
  - Estelle VanderHeide

Cheers*
*Why can’t those goddamn British just say goodbye?
  - Erin Rosenberg, Paper & Grace

Cheers*
*Let’s raise our glasses…and lower our standards.
  - Kristyn Davidson & Becky Oliver, Olivers Twist

Cheers*
*And thank you for this excuse to get plastered.
  - Kristen Gough

Cheers.*
*I’ll drink to anything but I’m sure you did something marvelous.
  - Liz Macpherson & Ami Murphy, Mac & Murphy

Thanks for playing, everyone! We had a blast!

Old Tom Foolery's Sale of the Century

Purchase any three cards or three boxed sets from our online store and we’ll give you a fourth style for free. Just let us know which additional style or boxed set you’d like by writing it in the "message to buyer" section on the PayPal checkout page. Sale ends December 15th, 2009. Go nuts!

Actual hate mail, Volume 1

We realize our cards aren’t for everybody (in fact, that’s kinda the point). Some people aren’t familiar with the concept of sarcasm, and from time to time these Debbie Downers feel the need to let us know about it. So, in this ongoing series called “Actual hate mail,” we’d like to share some of our favorite angry emails with you.

This one’s from a person who thinks we hate babies. Enjoy.

  
"Too bad kids are such a pain in the ass"? This particular card is insulting and self-centered. I assume the person who thought this up was the "perfect child"? Children are gifts from God. If you feel children are a "pain in the ass," then I hope you don't have any children. 

Thanks for the email, Anonymous Fun Person! And a good day to you, too!

What do you get when you mix Beyonce with the "Masturbating Bear" from Conan O'Brien?

This guy.

1,000 thank yous

Wow. We’re overwhelmed (in a good way) by all the great entries we received for our “Finish the Footnote” contest. You all are some funny people. We ended up with hundreds of submissions, and aside from a couple of lines that made us go “WTF?!”, almost all of them are serious contenders. We’ve definitely got our work cut out for us in the next week or so as we try to choose a winner.

Thanks to everyone who participated. Stay tuned as we announce the winner (and likely some runners-up) on October 30.

Contest reminder

Only one more day to submit your footnote entry for a chance to win $100. Entries will be accepted through October 15, 2009. More info on the contest here.

Here are the two writing prompts:

The winner will be announced right here on October 30th.

May the funniest person win.

One funny effer: The bald guy from Bald Guy Greetings

If you’ve seen his cards, you know he’s funny. But the crazy thing about Ian Kalman of Bald Guy Greetings is that he’s that funny all the time. Everything he says. Everything he texts. Every status update he posts. Every minute of every day, he’s cracking jokes. Imagine a bald Rodney Dangerfield, but alive. (His business partner/illustrator extraordinaire Sean Farrell is no slouch either. The two of them together are a regular Abbott & Costello.)

Aside from being funny, though, they’re also genuinely nice guys. When we were starting up Old Tom Foolery, Ian was like a big brother to us, giving us helpful business advice that saved us a lot of frustrating trial and error.

He recently gave us an MTV Cribs-style tour of Bald Guy Greetings’ impressive new headquarters in San Francisco, and it was encouraging for a couple fellow cardmakers like us to see how well BGG is doing. They deserve all their success. Their shit is fun-ny.

But enough gushing (they’re our competitors, for chrissakes). Check ‘em out for yourself.

Holy shit, we’re in the Library of Congress.

Yep, you read that right. Old Tom Foolery greeting cards can now be found at the largest, most famous library in the world—the Library of Congress. Thanks to Meryl Hooker, our rockstar sales rep in Washington, D.C., our cards now sit in their rightful place among such legendary historical artifacts as the Gutenberg Bible and original manuscripts from George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Abraham Lincoln. (Well, technically, our cards are in the Library of Congress Gift Shop, but hell, that’s close enough for us.)

How cool is that?

A truly remarkable mashup: Handerpants

Now this is a product that doesn’t disappoint. We recently picked up a pair of these puppies to give to our irony-loving artist friend Matt Cella for his birthday.

First of all, we love the fact that someone had the idea to make underpants for your hands. But even more impressive is the fact that they actually went ahead and made them. How many times do hilarious ideas die because either a) we talk ourselves out of them, or b) we lack the discipline to bring them to life? Kudos to the crazy geniuses at Archie McPhee who made Handerpants happen. So stupid, yet so awesome. Well done.

Studio on Fire

It’s no secret that we’re suckers for letterpress. In fact, it wasn’t even a question in our minds that our first line of cards would be letterpress printed. The rich, tactile experience of opening a letterpress card just can’t be beat.

And if the art of letterpress printing was an Olympic sport, Studio on Fire in Minneapolis would be the Michael Phelps. Nearly every time we see a photo of something so well-crafted and well-printed it makes us sick, we find out it was printed by Studio on Fire. While many designers look to SOF to print their work, they also are fantastic designers themselves, as is clearly evident on their website and blog.

We’d love to work with these guys one day.