Monday, November 5, 2012

Twin Cities peeps: Old Tom Foolery seeks intern!

We're looking for an extra pair of hands to help out around our very casual Southwest Minneapolis office once or twice a week. Duties include putting cards into plastic sleeves, packing orders, and providing general operational support to help keep things running smoothly.

This Intern position is unpaid, but it does have its perks: you can watch TV while sleeving cards (not just any TV—cable TV!), chit-chat with a fun group of co-workers, rub the belly of our goofy office dog, learn the inner workings of running a small business, and of course, help yourself to free Old Tom Foolery cards.

Hours are flexible, but we would prefer a total of 10-15 hours/week spread out over Mondays, Wednesdays, and/or Fridays. We are happy to fill out paperwork for school credit, if applicable.

To apply, send an email and/or résumé to and tell us why you’d be a good fit. (Please, no phone calls.) We’ll follow up via email to schedule an interview with a few qualified candidates.

For more information about Old Tom Foolery and our “Unsappy, uncrappy cards and curiosities,” check out our website at

Thanks for your interest!

Friday, November 2, 2012

Movember Madness

We love facial hair.

That’s why we’re shaving ours off.

For the month of November, the Old Tom Foolery team will be joining millions of other stache-lovers in participation of Movember, a worldwide event that asks men (and women) to sprout their fanciest mustaches to raise awareness and money to fight men's health issues. Movember asks participants to start clean-shaven on November 1st, then proceed to wax, groom, and comb their lip-jungle into a proud piece of art for the rest of the month.

In celebration of Movember, we're releasing a limited-edition “Field Guide to Typestaches, Volume 2” poster just for our fellow face-fuzz fiends.

A second take on our original tag-team with designer Tor Weeks, this hot-off-the-press print features 30 all-new typestaches. Each poster is screenprinted by hand with metallic gold ink on 80lb black paper.

And here's the best part: for the entire month of November, we’re donating 10% of all Typestache sales to the Movember cause. Visit our website for more info.

Want to join the fight but Typestaches aren’t your thang? No probs. You can donate to Old Tom Foolery’s official Movember page RIGHT HERE. (You can also view a gallery of each team member's mustache progress.) Your tax-deductible donation will help promote men’s health, specifically prostate and testicular cancer initiatives.

Thanks in advance for helping us give prostate and testicular cancer a swift kick in the nuts.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Web gems galore

It's Thursday, which is as good a reason as any for us to share a few videos (or "vids" as the kids say) that have been tickling our collective funny bone around the office lately.

(WARNING: The first and third vid may or may not be safe for work, depending on whether or not your boss has a sense of humor.)

Okay, first up, the Sexy Sax Man:

Next up, a talented crew of Twin Cities kid-rappers with their catchy hit, "Hot Cheetos & Takis":

And last, but certainly not least, Australian-British comedian/musician Tim Minchin:

Thanks to Andy, Kelli, and Jen, respectively, for the hot tips.

Alright, back to work, everyone.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Come say hi (and place a huge order) at the NYIGF!

Are you a wholesale gift buyer? Are you going to be in NYC this weekend? Do you think our stuff is funnier than the bees' marginally laughable knees?

If you answered yes to all of those questions, come visit us at Booth #4245 at the NY International Gift Fair from August 19-23. We've got show specials and are unveiling a brand new line of letterpress coasters called Cocktail Notes!

If you visit our booth, you'll get a free half-dozen cards with any order over $200! What a steal!*

*A steal that comes with any order over $200.

And if you visit our booth and say the word "rhubarb," Joel will do a dance for you. (We haven't told Joel about this show special yet.)

Thanks, Old Tom Fools! Hope to see you in The Big Apple!

Extra! Extra! Big News from OTF

We're excited to introduce COCKTAIL NOTES—a new series of coasters guaranteed to make boozing even more fun.

Cocktail Notes, Vol. 1
Cocktail Notes, Vol. 2
Cocktail Notes, Vol. 3
These letterpress-printed coasters look like classic cocktail napkins, but with a twist: they each feature a unique, handwritten one-liner from humor writer/international man of mystery S.H. Carlyle.

Cocktail Notes are perfect to hand out as conversation starters at parties, give as hostess gifts, or share with anyone who likes to drink and be merry.

Read more and order from our website, or stop by Booth #4245 at the NY International Gift Fair to see the real deal in person.

Party on, Wayne!

Monday, August 13, 2012

Baby bump photos gone horribly, horribly wrong.

The folks over at World Wide Interweb have published their list of The 50 Most Awkward Pregnancy Portraits Ever. All we can say is wow. Just wow.

A few of our favorites:

See all 50 photos right here.

Thanks to our in-house web sleuth, Kelli with an "i", for the hot tip.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

We got into Harvard!

It's true! We've been accepted to Harvard. Well, the Harvard Book Store, to be exact--but still, it's pretty cool, right? They'll be carrying our Footnotes and Headlines cards this holiday season.

I just hope the dude below *thinks* he finds a grammatical error on one of our cards while browsing in the book store and then attempts to humiliate us in a Harvard bar--only to be humiliated himself by our wicked smart buddy, Matt Damon.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Olympics special report: Stop the ponytail insanity

Is anyone else frightened by the sheer tautness of Olympic gymnasts' ponytails? Check out how this girl's entire face is being yanked back by a vengeful barrette:

And this poor kid's ponytail is pulled so tight, I think her hairline's starting to recede:

As an unofficial sponsor of the 2012 Olympic Games, it is Old Tom Foolery's position that the International Olympic Committee needs to crack down on these senselessly tight ponytails before someone gets hurt. If you agree, sign our IOC petition by leaving your name in the Comments section.

Together, we can save these flexible little heroes from the agony of painful ponies--and, perhaps more importantly, protect the viewing public from being exposed to all those super-stretched-back faces.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Meet Kelli. With an "i."

While we were super sad to lose our good friend (and phenomenal employee) Jen to a new career opportunity last month, we've been incredibly lucky to fill those giant shoes with perhaps the nicest person in the history of the planet: Kelli O'Keefe.

Kelli comes to OTF from a little store you may have heard of called Anthropologie, where she used to be an Assistant Store Manager. (Incidentally, Kelli is also the owner of an extensive Anthropologie wardrobe, making her, hands down, the best-dressed person in the office every day she's here--and making Lauren extremely jealous.)

A former intern at the world-famous letterpress shop Bruno Press, Kelli came highly recommended by the company's candid owner Mary Bruno. When checking references, we asked Mary to tell us about Kelli. Her response? "Kelli's the shit. You'll love her." We hired her the next day.

When she's not busy being the jill-of-all-trades for OTF, Kelli is also a freakishly talented illustrator. Her artwork is influenced by children's stories, and she's using her new part-time schedule to focus on growing her freelance illustration business. If you have kids, and you really love them, then you'd commission some of Kelli's custom art just for them. Check out her work at

In all her spare time, Kelli enjoys running marathons with her new bionic legs, planning her wedding (slated for next year), watching sci-fi movies, and admiring men with ponytails.

Welcome aboard, Kelli!

Monday, July 2, 2012

Look, Ma, we made the newspaper!

We were excited to open up the Minneapolis Star Tribune yesterday and see this nice little writeup about Old Tom Foolery...

Thanks, Neal St. Anthony, for giving the little guy a little ink! You can purchase the winning card (and lots of non-winning cards, too) right here.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Once...twice...three times a winner.

We're shocked and awed to have won three LOUIE Awards at this year's gala in NYC, including one for the "Most Humorous" card in the world. (We shite you not.)

Here are the lucky winners. For overall "Most Humorous Card," the LOUIE went to...

For "Humorous Friendship/Encouragement Card (Above $3.50)," the LOUIE went to...

And, finally, for "Humorous Birthday Card (Above $3.50)," the LOUIE went to...

A huge thank you to the judges for accepting our lavish gifts and cash bribes. We couldn't have done it without you.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Aaaaaaand we're back!

Long time, no post here on the Old Tom Bloggery. Our apologies to our moms and the other three people who check this site regularly. We blame our hiatus on four key factors: 1) getting ready for the National Stationery Show, 2) attending the National Stationery Show, 3) catching up after the National Stationery Show, and 4) the rain. Take it away, boys:

Happy Monday!

Thursday, May 17, 2012

The 2012 National Stationery Show is upon us.

And we've finally got some new stuff to show for ourselves, including two brand-spankin' new card lines: The Marquee Collection...

and The Magnetic Poetry Collection...

In the words of every snowboarder ever, we're "totally stoked" to finally be releasing these little babies out into the world. They've been a long time comin'.

Let us know what you think. (Unless, of course, you hate them--in which case, keep your words to yourself, you stupid fart face.)

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

National Stationery Day!

We've been so busy gearing up for the National Stationery Show that we nearly missed today's exciting new holiday, National Stationery Day! The 2012 London Stationery Show launched today's event to promote beautiful stationery to consumers and press.

We're in full support of this new celebration of the written word, and we agree that this is the perfect day to stock up on cards for your emergency stationery arsenal. You know what I'm talking about; Facebook tells you it's your cubicle-mate's birthday today, and you're leaving for work completely unprepared. Start buying cards that you like whenever you see them! Organize them in a box or folder so you're ready for any card-giving occasion. You can buy greeting card organizers ready-made or make your own. Sort cards with folder tabs for every celebration, be it "Happy Birthday," "Congrats on the Pregnancy," or "Oh Sorry, I Could Have Sworn You Were Pregnant."

My mom had a stationery arsenal when I was a kid, and it was awesome for last-minute card needs. I have fond memories of digging through the box and finding the right card for whoever's birthday it was. The best part was that we bought them all throughout the years, so each card brought back a memory of when it was purchased. This also reminds me that I need to pick out a Mother's Day card...
Buy it here, folks.

Monday, April 23, 2012

The next great Lifetime Original Movie?

For those of you who may have missed it, last week we posted about a ridiculous-but-real crime report ripped from the headlines of our local paper. The crime: a guy pretending to be in a rock band walked into a bar and lured some gullible idiot back to his house, where he proceeded to rob the idiot after he passed out.

Well, one of our freakishly talented readers known only as "Anonymous" proceeded to put together an entire cast for the re-enactment of said crime report, starring only C-list celebrities from the '80s and '90s.

Stay with me here.

After seeing this masked reader's genius casting picks, it dawned on us Old Tom Fools that this re-enactment would actually make one helluva good Lifetime Original Movie.

As you probably know, the Lifetime Original Movie series is a storied collection of some of the most trashtastic, captivating TV movies ever made. Just look at this lineup:

"A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story" starring Meredith Baxter
"Night Sins" starring Valerie Bertinelli
"Heartbreakers" starring Jennifer Love Hewitt
"Drew Peterson: Untouchable" starring Rob Lowe

Now take a look at this fake IMDB entry for our proposed made-for-TV-movie and tell me this: How could Lifetime NOT make this movie?

Imagine it: David Faustino (Bud Bundy from "Married with Children") as Dale the Con Man. Marc Price (Skippy from "Family Ties") as Seth the Naive Victim. Annie Potts (Mary Jo Shively from "Designing Women") as Donna the Unsympathetic Mother. Bryan Brown (Tom Cruise's Australian bartender mentor in "Cocktail") as Nic the Mentor. Directed by none other than the legendary Scott Baio.

Admit it, these people were born for this TV movie.

I smell Emmy. Who's with me?

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Crime Time: Re-cycling

Hey burglar, you're doing it wrong:

The robber also replaced her garage door opener with a different one.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Crime Time: Can't Fight the Seether

We don't think criminals are funny. We don't think the victims of misconduct and wrongdoings had it coming. We also don't get a lot of heinous crime here in our neighborhood, and for that, we are thankful. But as the SW Minneapolis Journal Crime Reports would suggest, our criminals are kinda stupid, and they're making us look bad.

Not to say the guy in this crime report isn't someone we want to party with, because he is, and we do. We just won't fall asleep with our wallets open while he's chilling in our house.

The lesson here is, "Always ask your contacts if you can use them as a reference BEFORE leaving their numbers with a man that wants to have you arrested."

In our best attempt to perform a public service to you all, we will now be posting these crime reports as a regular feature on the OTF blog. It's really an injustice to keep all of this stupidity to ourselves. Stay tuned for more criminals criming more crimes, and remember, kids... stay safe, and stay smart.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Arrested Drunk Guy Sings Bohemian Rhapsody

Almost as good as Wayne and Garth: Via David Doody.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Lauren's (almost) Valentine's Day present from me.

Behold, the butt cleavage dress.

This 8th Wonder of the World sure knows how to show off a woman's sexiest ass-ets. Am I right?! ZING!

Sadly, the dress sold before I was able to nab it for Lauren's butt cheeks. Maybe next year.

Via Laughing Squid.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Um, yeah.

Anyone who wears this sweater is awesome in our book. More here.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Write On!

January 23 is National Handwriting Day (not to be confused with National Letter Writing Week, Jan 8-14). We can think of no better day for you to practice your penmanship. Take it from our new Words of Wisdom poster series:

How to Write.
Before you can start practicing how to write your Ps and Qs, you need to learn how to hold a writing utensil. According to this poster, apparently you're supposed to hold a pen like a well-educated adult, not some graceless monkey who may use the pen to inadvertently jab himself in the eyeballs.

Some handy tips to remember:

     -Hold the pen firmly, but not so tightly as to cramp the fingers.

     -Avoid the finger movement. It is not practical.

     -The thoughtful student in penmanship, as in other studies, will win.

And for the love of all that's holy, "Keep both feet on the floor."
Italics mean the poster is serious.
Now that you have learned how to hold a pen, what are you going to do with it? Conduct an orchestra? Stick it in your ear? Eat soup with it?

Why not write someone a letter? Or do your taxes? Or make a list of all the reasons you can't eat soup with a pen? According to this here poster, good penmanship doesn't come naturally, so you'd better study up on how to ensure that your ledger is legible:
How to Improve Your Penmanship in Letter Writing.
Here are a few easy tips:

     -Write plainly and neatly as possible, rapidly if you can, slowly if you must.

     -Neatness, elegance, and correctness are all equally important as mere legibility.

     -Making a wavy line to represent a word is an injury to the writer and is vexatious, unsatisfactory, and disrespectful to the reader.

     -Vexatious: adjective; causing or tending to cause annoyance, frustration, or worry
     -You're welcome.

Now that you're able to hold a pen and form words out of letters on a piece of paper, the possibilities are endless! You could apply for a job, practice appropriate business conduct, or buy a horse.

Hey, these posters didn't write themselves.
Whatever you choose to do with your new skills, always remember, keep those feet planted, buddy.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

OTF Takes a Field Trip

By now, you're all familiar with Old Tom Foolery's mascot, Ryder Lee.

We call him Master Scruffy McScruffenstien Esquire III
But there's a new dog in town, Zero, who is Jen's Mini Aussie/Border Collie (at least that's what we think she is).

Oh, hai.
Ryder and Zero finally met for the first time when OTF took a doggie field trip to the Minneapolis Metrodome last week. The stadium opened their revolving doors to furry four-legged friends of all sizes and energy levels to run, poo, and pee in the outer rim of the arena.

Ryder and Zero met tons of new doggies at the dome and begged us to have a slumber party in which all dogs would be required to paint each others' toenails and talk about that cute schnauzer in math class. However, everyone was pretty worn out after running around in a circle for two hours, so we called it a night.

"OMG, we should totes go get smoothies after this."
"Yes. Totes."
Zero understands her place as co-mascot and has agreed not to try to gain full mascot status. However, she continues to smell Ryder on Jen's jacket and boots for several minutes every night when she gets home from OTF. Plotting to overthrow the hierarchy?

We may never know.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

The nicest wrong number

The other night I got a call from a number I didn't recognize. As soon as I said "hello," I heard a click on the other end. A few minutes later, this text came in.

Let's all try to act more like this anonymous person in 2012.

And yes, I know my phone is from the Stone Age.

Monday, January 9, 2012

FABulous news!

We are having a pretty good day considering it's Monday. Usually, Mondays are reserved for dragging ourselves out of bed, screaming obscenities at our monitors, keeping the coffee pot on repeat, and single-handedly downing an entire half-gallon of Edy's mint chocolate chip ice cream for lunch. Mind you, today is no different, except that we opted for strawberry instead of mint chocolate and we're pretty psyched that our products are being featured on

What's, you ask? It's a super swell web store that features different daily deals from design-y companies. Our wallets can confirm that we've been big fans of for a while. Everything is always offered at a pretty decent sale price, so we've managed to pick up some fun prints, shirts, art, and jewelry at a severe discount. Follow this link to see our Fab shop, but if you don't have an account, you can't peruse the site. We encourage you to sign up and poke around! Hey, it's free to look. Maybe you'll find that chic square pizza cutter or diamond-encrusted space helmet cat bed you've been looking for.*

Anyway, back to us. will feature Old Tom Foolery cards, posters, shirts, and more for the next few days, so order now if you want to save. (Not to hint or anything, but you never did send your elderly neighbor lady a thank you card for the "Kittens Monthly" subscription she got you for Christmas.) While you're at it, invite your friends to join Fab using your special code (see site for details), and you can get credit to spend on the site. We can't think of a better way to spend a Monday!

*If these exist, please leave me a link in the comments. I will buy them today, and I don't even own a cat or a pizza.

(JAN 8-14) National Letter Writing Week

January 8-14 is National Letter Writing Week! (Finally.) What better way to celebrate than to send some uncrappy cards to your loved ones? We have cards for, like, tons of occasions, or no occasion at all! This is a good time to remind you that you never sent your Aunt Gracie a thank you card for that heinous sweater she bought you for Hanukkah. Here's a reasonable one:

Inheritance, here you come!

In an age full of email and texting, receiving a tangible card has never been more special. Awwwwzzzz. 

Seriously, whether you buy it from us or not, send someone a card this week. They’ll love you extra hard.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Sound it Out

Wow, it's already the 4th day of January. Have you given up on your resolutions for the new year yet? I haven't. I vowed to learn the English language real good by following these youTube videos from PronunciationManual:

Hm. I always thought it was pronounced like "quinoa." The K must be silent.

French appetizers have always had my tongue in a twist. Let's give hors d'oeuvres a try:

Mmm... diloosuss.

Or everyone's favourite tex-mex chain restaurant...

Sean Toodle.

If you're looking for someone to sound out English words and Hollywood's best more accurately, visit PronunciationBook (the original dude that PronunciationManual is mocking). But beware, the real guy will never teach you how to say gems like this:

I think Scroti Wontoobsis would approve.
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