National Stationery Day!

We've been so busy gearing up for the National Stationery Show that we nearly missed today's exciting new holiday, National Stationery Day! The 2012 London Stationery Show launched today's event to promote beautiful stationery to consumers and press. We're in full support of this new celebration of the written word, and we agree that this is the perfect day to stock up on cards for your emergency stationery arsenal. You know what I'm talking about; Facebook tells you it's your cubicle-mate's birthday today, and you're leaving for work completely unprepared. Start buying cards that you like whenever you see them! Organize them in a box or folder so you're ready for any card-giving occasion. You can buy greeting card organizers ready-made or make your own. Sort cards with folder tabs for every celebration, be it "Happy Birthday," "Congrats on the Pregnancy," or "Oh Sorry, I Could Have Sworn You Were Pregnant."

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My mom had a stationery arsenal when I was a kid, and it was awesome for last-minute card needs. I have fond memories of digging through the box and finding the right card for whoever's birthday it was. The best part was that we bought them all throughout the years, so each card brought back a memory of when it was purchased. This also reminds me that I need to pick out a Mother's Day card...

Buy it here, folks.

The next great Lifetime Original Movie?

For those of you who may have missed it, last week we posted about a ridiculous-but-real crime report ripped from the headlines of our local paper. The crime: a guy pretending to be in a rock band walked into a bar and lured some gullible idiot back to his house, where he proceeded to rob the idiot after he passed out.

Well, one of our freakishly talented readers known only as "Anonymous" proceeded to put together an entire cast for the re-enactment of said crime report, starring only C-list celebrities from the '80s and '90s.

Stay with me here.

After seeing this masked reader's genius casting picks, it dawned on us Old Tom Fools that this re-enactment would actually make one helluva good Lifetime Original Movie.

As you probably know, the Lifetime Original Movie series is a storied collection of some of the most trashtastic, captivating TV movies ever made. Just look at this lineup:

"A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story" starring Meredith Baxter
"Night Sins" starring Valerie Bertinelli
"Heartbreakers" starring Jennifer Love Hewitt
"Drew Peterson: Untouchable" starring Rob Lowe

Now take a look at this fake IMDB entry for our proposed made-for-TV-movie and tell me this: How could Lifetime NOT make this movie?

Imagine it: David Faustino (Bud Bundy from "Married with Children") as Dale the Con Man. Marc Price (Skippy from "Family Ties") as Seth the Naive Victim. Annie Potts (Mary Jo Shively from "Designing Women") as Donna the Unsympathetic Mother. Bryan Brown (Tom Cruise's Australian bartender mentor in "Cocktail") as Nic the Mentor. Directed by none other than the legendary Scott Baio.

Admit it, these people were born for this TV movie.

I smell Emmy. Who's with me?

Crime Time: Re-cycling

Hey burglar, you're doing it wrong:

The robber also replaced her garage door opener with a different one.

Crime Time: Can't Fight the Seether

We don't think criminals are funny. We don't think the victims of misconduct and wrongdoings had it coming. We also don't get a lot of heinous crime here in our neighborhood, and for that, we are thankful. But as the SW Minneapolis Journal Crime Reports would suggest, our criminals are kinda stupid, and they're making us look bad. Not to say the guy in this crime report isn't someone we want to party with, because he is, and we do. We just won't fall asleep with our wallets open while he's chilling in our house.

The lesson here is, "Always ask your contacts if you can use them as a reference BEFORE leaving their numbers with a man that wants to have you arrested." In our best attempt to perform a public service to you all, we will now be posting these crime reports as a regular feature on the OTF blog. It's really an injustice to keep all of this stupidity to ourselves. Stay tuned for more criminals criming more crimes, and remember, kids... stay safe, and stay smart.